I cannot wait until I get my pilot's license and can fly up here to Wisconsin on my own. Shit. Let me tell you how my day went yesterday.

First off, the wife doesn't want to know when I leave. She wants me to just get up early, get my stuff and go. Well, I tried. I got up before 7:00 and took a shower. I took my time in the shower and was thinking "It's got to be about 7:45 now". I look at the clock, 7:15. Fifteen goddamn minutes? That's all? Well, I sit in my boxers for a while watching cartoons wondering what to do. Finally I get dressed and decide I'll head out at 8:00. My flight doesn't leave until 11:05 so I still have 2 hours to kill. At first I was going to go to Dunkin' Donuts and kill time, but decided instead to go to my mother-in-laws. Don't ask me why. Before I could leave, however, Demonchild wakes up and is asking "where's mommy" and "can I watch cartoons". I also hear Icebear Jr. getting fussy in the bedroom, so I run in, kiss him on the head, turn to cartoons for Demonchild, give him a hug/kiss and then run to the car. After spending an hour or so at the in-law's, I head to the aiport where I park in BFE and take a shuttle to the terminal.

Well, I'm on schedule things are ok and then I notice my boarding pass. Seat 45F? What the hell? You guessed it I'm in the ass of the plane! The only thing farther back than me is the shitter. On top of that, I've got the window seat which is even more squeezed. Fuck me. Not to mention that I have two other seats beside me so there are going to be 2 more people cramming in here. Oh this will be a fun 2 hour flight. Well, lady luck didn't totally abandon me. The guy who was supposed to sit next to me comes back and luckily, the guy who was on the aisle never showed so he sat on the aisle and we had an empty seat between us. It wasn't all bad, but I don't want to do that again.

Luckily, that was the only problem that I had on the flight, we were on time and everything else was fine. But things didn't end. At Fort Lauderdale, the terminal was under construction so the A/C wasn't working too well. Of course, I have a black, longsleeve t-shirt on so I'm sweating. I'm getting kind of stinky. Then, being crammed into the plane, I'm sweating a bit more. In Cincinnati, instead of carrying it, I put my hat on to free my hands up. Well, I immediately start sweating more, and since I've been wearing this hat for a long time, it stinks. So I'm hot, sticky, and now pretty stinky. But, my bad luck doesn't end there.

The plane from Cincy to Milwaukee is an MD-88. It has 3 seats on the left side of the plane and 2 seats on the right. Well, I'm in the 2 seat section. I'm sitting there watching the plane fill and just praying that the person who's supposed to sit next to me doesn't show. Sadly, that didn't happen. Not only did the person show, but the person was a young, very tan, very very cute young lady. To top it off, I'm in her seat. DUH! So, I hastily move over and apologize. Thank fucking christ the flight was only 52 minutes. The whole time this girl was doing everything she could do in her power to stay as far away from me as possible...and not look like it. I hate shit like that. It's like when I read diaries and hear women talking about guys who are hot. Ok so they're hot, but what kind of a guy are they. People don't take the time to get passed looks. She looked at me, saw that I wasn't Brad Pitt's lookalike, and she shunned me. She basically shunned me. Well, fuck her. I know, most of you are like, "what's the big deal?" I'll tell you what it is. I've dealt with shit like this my whole fucking life. I'm tired of seeing guys who are buff, and handsome but complete assholes get the girls. They treat them like shit and use them, and then when the nice guys, like me come along, well, never mind. I'm rambling. Needless to say, my day still wasn't over. I was in Milwaukee, but I had to get to Oshkosh.

I was told by our marketing director that I was going to be picked up at the airport by the wife of one of our writers. Ok, no problem. I've never seen her before and she's never seen me before. Shouldn't be too much of a problem for both of us to connect in a crowded metropolitan airport. Well, I remember telling Ann, our marketing director and my adopted mom (she's really a super duper sweetheart), that I would meet Annie at the baggage claim, seemed the best spot, so that's where I headed. I stand around with my AVweb hat on (since I didn't have any shirts with the logo on it) and try to make eye contact with every unaccompanied woman who walked by. Everyone probably thought I was a stalker or some psycho. Anyway, everyone has gotten their luggage and gone and I'm standing next to an empty carousel looking around like a lost tourist. That really boosts my ego.

I take a seat on the edge of the carousel and just people watch for about an hour. I'm getting annoyed. I'm trying to decide what to do. I don't have any of the phone numbers for people's cell phones and I don't have the number for the hotel, I only have $4 cash, not counting the $300 travel advance I got from the office, but I don't want to put a ton of money in a pay phone. I can't call the hotel collect because they'll refuse the charge so I'm fucked. Digging through my wallet, I find my old AT calling card, pray it works and dial 1-800-CALL-ATT (where's David Arquette when you need him?). Luckily, AT has their 00 info so I get the number for the hotel and they connect me. Goody. But that's not the end.

After reaching the hotel, I ask for anyone with AVweb and get connected to our "War Room". Our office for the next two weeks. Buttfuck Tab answers the phone and I say "I'm in Milwaukee and someone's supposed to pick me up." He turns around and says, "Does anyone know about an Annie going to pick Icebear up in Milwaukee?" I hear Ann talking in the background and then BF Tab gets on the phone again "Annie's not coming in until tomorrow and neither are you." Um...HELLO? I'm here now!! Come and get me. Well, turns out that they didn't think I was due until today, so what to do? Ann calls her rep with Budget car rental and says, "Go to budget, I'll call and make sure they put the rental care on my credit card and you can pick up the car." So, I go to Budget and get Melissa the Braindead Moron to help me. I don't remember what her fuckin' name was. Anyway, I tell her that I'm here to pick up a car, here's my res number, hand her the piece of paper, and want to leave. Well, she asks for my Credit Card and Driver's License. I tell her, it's going to be charged to someone else's card. She looks at me with these half open, stoner-type moron eyes and says "The name on the credit card has to match the name on the driver's license." Then, after drooling for about 30 seconds she says. "We can take an imprint of your card and then when you bring it back we'll charge the other card." I'm thinking, ok, maybe this will work. But I had a question.

"You won't charge my card, right? It's a check card, not a credit card." She stands there for a second as the question burrows into her slow, feeble mind and says "Um, we'll put a hold on it, but won't charge anything to it." A hold? When I worked in the hotel business, we did things like this. What that basically means is that a message is sent to the credit card company from the business saying that we will possibly making a charge to this account for a specific amount of money, please set X amount of money aside so that we know they can cover it. X is usually the total amount plus some buffer added in. I think about this a second and then say, "Well, how much will you hold?"

Again, she stands there drooling and twitching as long unused neurons fire in her brain and she says, "It will be about $580." What? Fuck you rainwoman. So, I go back to the pay phone and call Ann again. After explaining the situation, she says, "Ok, go back to the counter and hang tough, I'll make a few calls and then have them call you to the counter." Fair enough. Ann's going to kick some ass and take some names. She can be really scary when she wants to be...she's connected. So, I got back to the counter and wait.

And wait, and wait and wait. Turns out, they wanted her to fax over a photocopy of her Corporate Amex card, and a note saying to let me, Icebear, take the car and to charge her card. So, after waiting another hour, they finally call me up to the counter, have me sign everything and give me the keys. Strolling away, I can hear the drool dripping off Moron's chin as I make my way to the pay phone to call Ann and let her know that I have the car and that I'm on my way.

So, I drive an hour and ½ to Oshkosh, finally get there and the hotel doesn't show me as checking in until...you guessed it...Saturday (today). Now, I find out that the people who owned and ran the hotel the past 2 years we were here have sold it and the people running it now are new, and have never dealt with the airshow or with AVweb and our extravagant needs. After about 30 minutes, the poor, overstressed guy at the desk gets me a room and I'm checked in. Now, I'm fuckin' hungry. I snag BF Tab and our Editor-in-chief Mike and we decide that, we need to hit Staples for some shit and then we'll eat. Cool, let's go.

We go to Staples and drop $500 on a printer, 2 network hubs, and a buttload of cables like we were buying spring water. It's great to be with someone with a company card. After finally dragging Mike out of the store, we head to a restaurant here called Mr. Cinders. Go ahead, make fun of the name, we do. But they have the WORLD'S FUCKING BEST FUCKING MILK SHAKES YOU HAVE EVER TRIED! Seriously, these are good. While we check over the menu, I'm thinking to myself, "I'm really hungry, I want to get the 10oz. steak but I'm not paying so should I order it." In an attempt to be coy, I ask the other two "You dare me to order the 18oz. Porterhouse?" To make a long story short, I end up ordering the 18oz. and it wasn't even enough. I had to have a piece of cheesecake to be satisfied. It was good though, and I was finally comfortable. For the first time all day. In the meantime, I called the wife from the restaurant but she wasn't home. All in all, it was a pretty good trip and I'm here now. Shitty thing is, I miss my wife and kids already.

Oh well, I'm being rushed around. We have to go pick up some new arrivals and I have to finish. I might update again later. Till then, don't do it till you go blind, but do till you need glasses.

Love you all!

"Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?"

Icebear

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