2001
2002
2003
2004
AM - 7-14-2000
New, Improved, and guaranteed to make you smile!
"Will the mystery guest please sign in?"
This is my idea of a diaryland commercial.
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all ages. Have I got something for you. It's new, it's improved and it's guaranteed. It's my new guestbook! Yes, that's right. Your ole pal 'Bear has added a guestbook to his diary. You can access it by simply clicking on the button at the top left of this page. It's THAT simple! No muss, no fuss, no messy cleanup. One size fits all. So, stop on by, check it out and sign the damn thing! Men, it's guaranteed to add 3 inches to your penis size (no actual proof of claim)! Women, it's guaranteed to increase your breast size (no actual proof of claim)! What are you waiting for?
I know what you're thinking. "But, Icebear, what do I get out of this?" Well, you get my heartfelt gratitude and nice, personalized Thank You e-mail sent directly to your e-mail box. Now, how much would you expect to pay for something like this? $300? NO! $150? NO! Then how much is it? $50? $25? $19.95? No no no! You, yes you, can have access to this wonderful product for NOTHING! Yes, that's right. Nothing. Absolutely free! No gimmics. No hidden charges. It's almost too good to be true, but it's not. It's free!
So, now you're saying. "What do I do? How do I get it?" It's very simple really. Just move your mouse pointer to the five buttons at the top left of this window, move it over the button labled "Guestbook" and click. It's that easy. Good for righties and lefties. Easy to use for the most intelligent computer programmer, all the way down to the most computer illiterate moron on the planet. It's something for everyone. So, come on in, check it out, and sign the New Icebear's Guestbook.
Offer not valid with any other promotion. Only one entry per customer per day please. Contents may settle during shipping. Offer void in Antarctica, Nova Scotia, and Greenland. Children under 18 must have parent's permission. All female entries must be accompanied by 5x7 or 8x10 nude color photo. Any males sending nude photos will have their entries immediately deleted. Foul language is not required but is appreciated. Available only in L, XL, and XXL. Not avilable in white or yellow. Children's sizes may vary. Absolutely no refunds.
So, grab the kids, come on in and sign Icebear's Guestbook. You'll be glad you did. Free balloons for all the kiddies. Lookin' forward to seein' you.
"Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?"
