See, I told you I'd be back to finish. You're ole pal 'Bear won't leave ya hanging. Let's see, where was I? Oh yeah, my girlfriend is allegedly raped, I take her to the hearing on campus and finally see the fuckin' punk who did it, get shuffled out by the cops and then go to graduation at Community College. Not too long after, we end up breaking up.

Now, I know that some of you are thinking that I broke up with her because I felt she was "tainted" now. That she was "unclean" or something. Not true. If anything, I loved her more after this incident than I did before. It was just that something wasn't sitting right. There were other reasons also. I had sent some artwork off to a company in California, hoping for a job. If I got it, I would have to leave immediately. I couldn't handle a long distance relationship over that much distance. Not right then. As it turns out, I got shot down in flames and ended up going no where, which didn't look too good to her. Anyway, we broke up and, sadly, pretty much lost all communication between each other. I hated myself for the longest time for having done that to her. I saw the older of her 2 brothers at a football game some months later and he was really happy to talk to me. I think he always kind of idolized me for some odd reason. He's a good kid, I didn't mind at all. I asked him if his parents were pissed at me for breaking up with her and shit and he said no, they were fine and that she was dating again anyway. That was a bit of a weight off my chest, but soon, it would come back to haunt me.

About 4 or 5 years ago, after having gone about a year or two without a girlfriend or date (or sex), I get a call from the wife of one of my high school buddies. She's in the Air Force and is stationed down in Texas and wants to know what's up with me. We talk for a while and then she says something along the lines of "Why don't you come for a visit?" Now, dear readers, I never claimed to be an angel or a wonderful person, I just claimed to be human. So, knowing that what was in store for me was a weekend of sex and relaxation, even though she was married, I got a hotel room, packed a bag and drove to Texas for a weekend. Yes, I was a bad boy. I had an affair with a married woman...don't be shocked, it wasn't the last. I'll get into that another day. It was, however, a very enlightening trip. Here's why.

As we hung out and drove around this small little town in Texas, she mentions my old girlfriend and that she'd seen her a few times before leaving for boot camp. See, while we were dating, my ex-girlfriend and AirForcechick hooked up a couple of times. AFchick is bisexual, see. Anyway, we're hanging out and she brings up ex-girlfriend. I first told her that I didn't want to talk about it. It was behind me and I was trying to block it out. She pressed on, however, saying that "You don't know the whole story do you?" My ears perked up here.

Apparently, ex-girlfriend wasn't so good with long distance relationships. She'd met a guy at U #1, and even though she told herself they were just friends, AFchick and her other friends thought they were kind of serious. Friends of hers that didn't know about me thought those two were going out. This kind of hit hard. I asked her if he knew about her "rape" and if he knew the guy who "did it", and she just looked at me with this odd expression. I almost passed out when she looked at me and said "It was him!" WTF? She had been "dating" this guy? I was confused. I wanted details but didn't want to hear it. She went on.

Apparently, ex-girlfriend had this guy in one of her classes, maybe more. They hit it off and became fast friends, meeting to study a lot. At first, that was it. Meeting to study. AFchick wasn't sure whether he knew about me at first or not. Anyway, I guess ex-girlfriend, unknowingly was playing a little game with this guy. She would, according to her friends, send out all these signals to this guy, pretty much coming on to him, but when he responded, she'd back off. Her friends thought it was pretty cruel. Anyway, one night, they decided to meet to study in her room. She lived in a dorm that was co-ed. I think every other floor was female, the ones in between being male. I visited her there a few times and there were always guys and gals wandering all over the halls, in and out of each others rooms, I didn't think anything of it. So, they're studying and I guess he starts rubbing her shoulders or something, getting her to relax. They start kissing then it leads to heavy petting. Then something my ex said to me about what happened popped into my head "He made me give him a blow-job and he made me let him come on my chest and face." When I told AFchick this, she was like "Yeah right. If a woman doesn't want to give a blow-job and a guy sticks it in her mouth..." and then she made a severe biting expression and said "End of story." I asked her to continue. Well, apparently, ex and this guy were going at it, getting hot and heavy and he asks her how she wants him to finish. Well, I don't know if she got this from dating me or if it was her idea, but she said that she wanted him to finish in her mouth. But, when the time came, she was nervous, changed her mind, and he finshed on her face and chest. My world started spinning. I had always wondered why, if he was forcing her, she didn't just yell to one of her friends who were about 10 yards down the hall. Her door wasn't even locked! Turns out, she started feeling really guilty about what happened and was wondering how to tell me. Calling it rape wasn't the best method, I'm thinking.

I didn't know what to say. I started crying and babbling meaningless shit. I couldn't grab onto a thought, everything was rushing around in my head. After about 10 minutes of freaking out, I looked at AFchick, grabbed her by the shoulders (probably kind of hard...she looked scared) and asked her point-blank, "Is that fuckin' true? All of it?" She looked down, I let her go, and she said, "Yes. It is. After you two broke up she and I and [AFchick's husband] got together for a little 3-some. While we were sitting around, drinking some wine, she started telling me the entire story." AFchick went on to say that after having sex with her husband, she was afraid my ex was going to go after him (and women say size doesn't matter...pfah). My world started to crumble around me.

I never felt like more of a fool than I did then. I had wanted to kill that fuckin' little frat boy punk and I come to find out, it wasn't even his fault. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move. I asked AFchick a second question. "When I broke up with her, ex-girlfriend seemed ok, but she said that she was 'late'." AFchick immediately started nodding and said, "That's not the first time she's pulled that. It's just to scare you, she's not pregnant." Turned out, AFchick was right. About 2 months after we broke up, ex started dating someone else and they got married like 2 weeks later. I don't know if it was the guy from U #1 or someone new, and I didn't really care. My life was shit right about then.

You want to know what's really sad? After all the shit that went on, after all the fucked up emotions and lies, I still wasn't over her. My last semester of college, close to graduation actually, I get a call from AFchick, who's back from Texas for a while before shipping out to her next posting. I answer the phone, she says hi, and then "Guess who I saw today?" I had no clue as to who she could be talking about when she says "Ex-girlfriend. And she's bald." I almost fell over. Apparently, ex was working at a store and passed out. Turns out she had a brain tumor. By this time, also, she's divorced. Well, the reason she was bald was because they shaved her head for brain surgery. I asked AFchick if she asked about me, but she never really gave me a straight answer. Now I've got all these emotions flooding back over me and I don't know what to do. I do one of the stupidest things I could do.

After mulling it over for a week or two and digging out the only picture I have of ex, I decide to give her a call. I was told that she's back living with her parents. Nervously, I dial the phone and her mother answers. My voice was shaking badly, but I managed a few words. "Hi, this is Icebear, I dated [name deleted] a while back. I heard she's back in the area and was just wondering how she's..." Before I can finish my sentence her mother speaks up, "She's getting married." WTF? "Again?" That was the wrong thing to ask. "Yes, again." I then say that I hope that she was feeling ok and thanks for her time. She hung up before I could get out the word time. Guess her mom's holding a grudge. Oh well.

So, last I heard, she was "going" to get married again. I never found out if she did or not and haven't heard one word about her since. And I don't really care. AFchick and her family moved to Mississippi and I saw her husband's brother 2 years ago. He said that they're happy and doing ok. Me, after this ordeal, spent quite a bit of time fucked up emotionally and not really knowing what I was doing. My life had basically been turned upside down and I didn't know how to handle it. I persevered though. Luckily, I had my best friends 'Topher and Scott for support. They were a big help. And then along came Krystal, but that's a story for later...and it's a much better one...by far. So, until then, thanks for stopping by and come again soon.

"Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?"

Icebear

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