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7:47 a.m. - 10/09/2005
Clarity, reality and a little touch of senility.
"Did you understand a word he just said?"
Guess, I need to be a bit more careful, or clearer about what I say in here. Apparently, and I didn't realize this, I'm saying one thing in here and then saying something different "out there" in real life. The wife's been reading this so I guess I need to pay better attention.
For example, I told her yesterday, I didn't mind her talking to him and I wouldn't even really mind it if they were still just friends. But, in my last entry I said stuff like I hoped her friends would keep him and her apart. What I really meant by that was I hoped they would keep an eye on them to kind of put the brakes on the whole "love you" thing should it start up again. Kind of like chaperones, maybe...sorta...kinda. I don't mind her talking to him or doing missions with him and stuff, it was just the whole "I love you" part that got to me. When I was in high school, I was in love, or what I thought was love, with lots of girls. None of them felt the same way about me, though. They always gave me the "let's just be friends" angle or "you're like my brother, I could never date my brother" stuff, but we remained friends. And in the long run, I realized that I wasn't really in love with them. It was lust or some other mental deficiency and I would have ended up really screwing up a good friendship if I had pushed it. I hope that he comes to the same realization and that they can still be friends. It never hurts to have another friend in your life.
Well, enough grimness for now. I'm going to get some breakfast, play a little Star Wars and then wake the wife up for some dirty, nasty sex. And no, I'm not going to tell you all about it in here. Can't talk about everything now can I? Hey, while you're here, go to my guesbook and leave your mark. It'll only take a second or two. Till later.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a revolving door, running my ass off in circles, and sooner or later, someone is going to stick something in the doorway and WHAM! face into glass. I also think I'm becoming more cynical towards life. Maybe working for 9-1-1 does that. Seeing the type of shit people will do to each other kind of opens you up to a grim reality. I know I haven't "seen it all" but thought I was close. Technically, I don't "see" anything, but being on the phones and radio, we hear a lot of it. You can't help but being touched in some way by it. We've had a 19 year old having her 4th baby; a worried mother calling about her 15 year old daughter going into labor; one woman called in in labor and the intake operator delivered the baby over the phone in 5 minutes...the caller's 9th; we had a woman call in that her husband was stabbed - she stabbed him because he was trying to choke her to death. And the list goes on and on. For the past two weeks, I think we had one day out of 14 that someone didn't die. Even though we try not to let it get to you, your mood kind of drops when you hear a crew come over the radio "under control, signal 7". I know we can't save everyone, but it still sucks when they die.
