I really should get my lazy ass on here and do these entries on the day the shit happens. It would be much easier to convey what I was feeling right at the time than to try and think back and remember what it was like. Plus, it's a lot easier to write about being excited when you really are excited. If you've come down from the excitement and are kind of bummed, it's hard to recapture that excitement. Oh well...lives and learns, eh?

LAST EPISODE: "When we last left our Enigmatic Uno, he had just done something really stupid and was left with a tough decision. After not only doing his job, which he hates, but doing it very well, our zero is stuck with the possibility that he may not have the cojones to actually quit this hellish work environment."

Ok, now that you're all caught up, campy Batman style, I'll continue. After actually sleeping in a bit on Monday, the wife and Icebear Jr. and I went and had a late breakfast and then I spent the rest of the afternoon fixing the driver's side window on the "new" car. All day long I was going over and over and over and over what I was going to say for my 5-minute Test Teach. I had decided that I was going to do my "audition" on the principle of lift, as it relates to the world of aviation. Hey, it's something I know a little about. From about 2:00 on, my nerves started kicking into high gear and as I started pulling into the parking lot at the office, my heart was running at Ludicrous Speed(!). Basically, I was a bit nervous. Anyway, that would soon change to slight depression.

Now, I need to tell you a little about my prospective job. It's with a company called Dr. Notes and the job is Medical Software Instructor. Dr. Notes is this cool new program that will allow doctors all over the country to convert their "paper" offices to "electronic" offices. In 1996, the government passed a law that stated that doctors had to go to an EMR (Electronic Medical Record) program. The deadline for compliance was about a month ago. Now, doctors are scrambling to get this software and, of course, need training on it. That's where the instructor comes in. When a doctor purchases Dr. Notes for his office, it includes training. The doctor and his office manager are flown down to the corporate headquarters in Boca Raton where they have 2 days of live instruction. One day for training, the other day for setting up the software for their specific practice. Afterwards, there are 8 one-hour sessions with the doctor's office over the phone and internet. Finally, the implementation stage where the instructor is flown, yes flown, to the doctor's office for a day to help implement the system into the doctor's office for live usage. Sounds cool, eh? Yeah, I thought so, too, really cool. But, none of that matters if you can't teach, so instead of an actual interview, you have to "audition". It's called a Test Teach and you have 5 minutes to teach whatever you want, it just can't be computers. And that's what I had planned for Monday evening.

After making my way to the office, I walk in the main doors and am surprised to see 4 other people sitting in the reception area, all dressed up and many with large or colorful visual presentations. Kind of made my one little poor quality print out seem a bit underwhelming. I literally almost walked out the door, but before I could break and run, the receptionist asked if I was there for the Test Teach and I sheepishly answered yes. One more hopeful showed up a few minutes after me, for a total of six and then the HR man came out and ushered us into the "proving grounds". We all went into what was basically a classroom. Long tables ran the width of the room, each with about 7 or 8 computer stations and there were 4 or 5 tables. Amounted to a class that could hold about 25-35 people. Really nice room actually. And then it began.

The HR man explained the basic rules, that we would have 5 minutes for our "presentation". There was a table to one side for demonstration purposes, a podium and a marker board with marker and eraser. I wasn't sure how it was going to go at first. When he first told me about the "auditions" the previous week, I was assuming that he would gather some employees from the company and have us each teach them something individually. But nope, it was just the 6 of us plus him in the room. He sat in the back with the timer and would gesture to us when we'd hit 4 minutes so we could close. And so it began.

All of the people there were really nice. While the HR man was out taking care of something, we took the time to introduce ourselves to each other and kind of bring the tension level down to a more bearable level. The first guy to go, James, tought us about chess. He had a very interesting presentation, but I felt that he picked something a bit tough to cover well in 5 minutes. You could tell he was nervous and he stayed behind the display table the whole time, but he kind of had to. He stumbled a couple of times and called the Bishop a Rook, but all in all it was good job. Next was Yung.

Yung was a nice Asian young man who was actually the one who got the "introduction" ball rolling and helped us all relax a bit. Yung, a car salesman currently, did his presentation on, of course, getting the best deal you can on a car. He had a nice visual presentation, but had a tendency to stay behind the podium the whole time. He only stepped out a couple of times to point to his display and then went right back behind the podium. It was a very good presentation, though, and fit well into the 5-minute time frame. Next was Greg.

The topic of Greg's piece was pretty obvious when he showed up with a fishing pole, well, we thought it was. He actually did his presentation on how to tie knots. Specifically, the Albright special. Greg was a bit looser than the previous two. He started out behind the podium, but since he'd given each of us a couple of pieces of rope to tie along with, he had to move around the room a bit. The only thing I would grade Greg down on (if I were grading that is) is that his intro took almost half of his time and he picked a subject that, in my opinion, is really hard to fit into 5 minutes. In fact, he was trying to get to a closing point when the HR man called time and cut him off. Still, it was a very interesting topic and presentation. Then came William.

William was teaching how to transplant a plant from one pot to a larger one. He was well prepared with a plant, a larger pot, a spray bottle of water, a large tub to catch the dirt and a towel to keep everything clean. Unfortunately, William stumbled a few times and his presentation was actually a bit too short. He was done with his speech and I could tell he was trying to stretch for time but just wasn't able to do it. I don't know if they took off for running short or not, but he had the opposite problem of the others. Too much time while the others didn't have enough. Also, due to what he was teaching, William was kind of tied to the display table as well. Next up was Bridgette, the lone female of the "class".

Bridgette's topic was on the new $20 bill. I wasn't sure if she was teaching how the government was planning on implementing it or just how the government had changed it to make it more secure...it could have been both. Bridgette was nervous, just like the rest of us, and stayed tied to the podium the whole time. The only time she moved away from the podium was when she handed out a few items for us to look at. She did talk a little fast, but she also covered a lot of information in 5 minutes and gave a very good presentation. Next up was yours truly.

As I made my way up to the front of the class, I was going over what I was going to say and was flashing back to my Public Speaking classes in Community College. I had probably, no definitely, the best public speaking teacher in the world. His name was Ron Weininger (not sure if I spelled that right) and he was a great teacher. The one thing that kept flashing to me was how he would not let us use a podium in class. There was one there, but he would tell us not to use it. So, before I started, the first thing I did was grab the podium and move it out of the way. Then I took a deep breath, told myself to remember and be expressive and just have fun and started off. I moved around as I spoke, made eye contact with everyone in the room, waved my hands and, at one point, was even a bit goofy. At the 4 minute gesture, I pulled out my poor printout and used it to reiterate my topic and then closed out right about the 5 minute mark. I was actually pretty pleased with myself. But that was just the beginning.

Before we ever started, the HR man told us that they would be making no decisions that night and would call us the next day, so none of us expected to know anything right then. Of course, that made the whole next day at work a friggin' nightmare and when I got home, I was rather bummed. I had made sure that the wife has my TL's number and extension at TAG so that if they did call me, either way, she could call and let me know. Well, I didn't hear anything at all so I was in a funk all the way home. When I got there, she confirmed that no one called and that there wasn't even anything on the caller ID when she got back from getting MonkeyBoy at school. Oh well.

Not giving up, however, I call the office yesterday morning. I spoke with the receptionist and explained the situation, that I had been in for a Test Teach and that we were told we'd be called the next day but I had been at work the whole day. She asked if I had a voicemail and I said yes and that there was no message. She informed me that, if I had not received a voicemail message then, more than likely, they had not made a decision yet. She also informed me that they usually notify everyone by e-mail. I asked if they e-mail either way and she said that they did, so I immediately went and checked my e-mail, but nothing. I've been checking it religiously ever since. Still no word as of yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. They have another Test Teach tonight at 5 and then maybe they'll let everyone know on Friday who's going to get hired and who, well, won't. Let's hope. I have to go in on Saturday to TAG from 10-6 because of missing Monday and also because Saturdays have been pretty busy. I'd really like to go in Saturday with the knowledge that it will be my last day. Otherwise, I have to go in Saturday and then turn around and come back Sunday, Monday and Tuesday for 12 hours. Makes me depressed, nauseous and pissed just thinking about it. Fuckers. Anyway.

Well, I'm going to go and sit and watch my e-mail come in and hope for an response. I'd probably be better off going and doing something and taking my mind off of it, ya think? Oh well.

You all take care and I'll see you back here real soon. "Same Bear time....Same Bear channel!!"

Da 'Bear

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