I'm such a fuckin' loser. It's so sad. I know I try and come across as this bad-ass, foul-mouthed, tough guy, but I'm really just a sad sad man. I still don't have a fuckin' job. It's getting to be very very worrying for me. On top of that, the wife has been feeling bad, either due to a bug or due to the pregnancy, so she's missed 2 days of work and will probably miss another one tomorrow. That means not much of a check next week. Shit.

The only highlight of my week so far is that, last night, I signed up for the Big Brother 24/7 camera feed and am sitting here watching the house guests gorge themselves on their new food. I, unfortunately, missed the food challenge because the fuckin' video feeds kept freezing causing you to have to restart the whole damn thing. It has been a source of entertainment for me, though. I'm so sad that I have to sit and watch other people's "canned" lives. I really hope Jack wins. He's cool. So sad.

The only other thing that's kept me somewhat sane is that the wife got me Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic a while back and I've been playing that for a long time. I've been playing for over 40 hours and am almost to the end. The character I created is, of course, way on the light side of the force. He's a goody goody. So, of course, once I finish the game, I'm going to start over with a new character and try to be as bad and as Dark Side as I can be. I've also got the Star Wars: Galaxies game for the PC, but haven't installed it yet or done anything with it. Maybe later on.

Nothing else much to report really. I was pretty serious about taking on the truck driving job, but things have changed. I'd have to go to a school in Memphis for 3 weeks to get my CDL. Then I'd have a week at home. Then I'd have to go on the road with a driver trainer for 4 weeks, then come home for a short time. After that I would go out with a team driver for 4 weeks. Over the course of almost 3½ months, I'd be home for about a week and a half. Not sure if I could handle that. Plus, I wouldn't be getting paid right away and we've got rent coming up again in another 2 weeks. With the wife being sick lately, we're going to be really tight. I wish I could just hear back from one of these fucking jobs. Just a letter saying that the position has been filled, thanks for trying or something. Fuck!

Well, I'm going to watch the Big Brother homies a bit longer and then I'm going to go to bed. Probably won't sleep, but I've been staying up too late, lately, and it's really fuckin' me up.

Take care.

Da 'Bear

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