I'm caught in a vicious circle. I don't know how it started but I can't seem to get out of it. One night last week I stayed up late. So, the next morning, I sleep in late. Then the next night I stay up later. The next morning I get up later. Now it's to the point where I'm not going to bed until around 3 AM and I'm not getting up until way past 11. That's not good. For one thing, if the wife leaves to go to work at 9, that means the kids are running around the house, unsupervised for more than 2 hours. Not too safe. I need to get my ass to bed earlier and get back to a normal cycle. Problem is, I can't. It's after 3 AM now and I'm not even tired. I'm just kind of bored...and depressed.

I've found a great work at home job processing judicial judgements. Problem is, the best way to go about this is to actually start your own business. That takes money. Money for a business license, money for stationary, money for business cards. Plus, part of the job entails getting various reports, like credit reports, and filing various papers with courts. There are fees, unfortunately, for all of that. So, looks like I'll have to find another job just to get the startup capital I need for my business. The good thing is, I'm really really psyched about this business. I know that if I can just get it off the ground, it'll be great. I just have to be smart about it.

Unfortunately, finding a real job to help pay for it is proving kind of hard. I spent the past 6 years working on the internet, but never learned one new thing. I know HTML like the back of my hand and can use Photoshop pretty well, but that's it. I know nothing about PERL, .cgi, .php, .asp or anything like that. I don't know flash, I don't know anything about Linux or SQL. What's worse is that almost every job listing I found was looking for someone with not only HTML experience, but knowledge of these other things. I'm less marketable now, with over 6 years of experience, than an 18 year old fresh out of high school. I'm starting to get worried. Really worried. I'm only 31 and I'm feeling obsolete. I think that's part of what's keeping me up late at night. Worrying about what tomorrow will bring.

I'm caught in a Catch-22 almost. I know that, if I get another job in anything but the internet, I can't really expect to be making the $20-25 an hour that I was making. But at the same time, I can't afford to start a new job and get $8 an hour. We have rent and bills that we have to pay. Sure, we can tighten our belts and bite the bullet, but there's only so much cutting we can do. I'm hoping that by the 1st of August, I at least have one or two good prospects. If not, then it's really time to worry. It's weird how I can go from happy and comfortable to a paranoid, worrying insomniac in less than a month. Well, welcome to the world of grown-ups.

Take care, friends.

Da 'Bear

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