2001
2002
2003
2004
4:23 p.m. - 05-08-2001
Tired, Wishing and the story of the worst actor in the world.
"It's the engine that kills ya, not the caboose."
Boy oh boy what a fuckin' four days. Haven't really done anything, but I feel completely wiped out. Typical, eh? Must be "fat man's syndrome" or something. Shit, I even get winded jumping to conclusions. Arg. Before I get started on my entry, I want to do something shameless. As many of you may know, and if you don't then check out my profile, my favorite author is Terry Pratchett. A british author with a wonderous sense of humor. Well, I'm in the process of collecting every book he's written and I have a little wish list with Amazon UK. So, if you want to do the 'Bear a favor, if you want to show the 'Bear your love, or if you just want to do something nice for someone else (namely me), then go and visit my wish list and order something from it. Remember, however, that all the prices listed are in pounds, not dollars so, depending on the exchange rate, prices will be different. The 'Bear will love you forever if you do.
Ok, now that that's out of the way, I said last entry that I would tell you all about a guy I acted in plays with, named Chris. Ok. Here goes.
Chris Gerke is a tall, lanky, goofy guy. He was in my college algebra class (not the first time he took the class) and he was rather humorous. He had a big sense of humor. Problem is, well, Chris is stupid. Chris' first foray onto the stage was the year before I came to SFCC and it was in the melodrama Face On the Barroom Floor. For those who don't know, a melodrama is a play where the 4th wall (the one the audience is "behind") is broken. Actors will blatantly look out into the audience and deliver lines and such. Hell, in a lot of them (if not all), the audience is asked to participate. Cheering when the hero (in this case my bestest bud 'Topher) enters and booing and hissing when the villain (Chris in this case) enters. Chris enjoyed this. It was fun and it played well with his "look-at-me" sense of humor, and he actually did a good job. Problem is, he was stuck in that "mode".
The next play we did, my first one, Rumors, we had to keep yelling at him because A) he couldn't remember his fuckin' lines, and B) he kept delivering them directly to the audience. It was annoying as hell and made acting with him very difficult. What was worse was during the actual performances. If he had a pratfall or something that he was supposed to do that he knew would get a laugh, he would do it extremely over the top. Just ham it up big time. Or he would find things. During the first performance, everyone's kind of stiff and such and we don't really know how the audience will react. Chris would remember parts of the play where, even though he didn't do anything special, the audience laughed. Every performance afterwards, he would keep building on it by either delivering his lines different, trying to get a laugh, or start adding some kind of stupid pratfall or something to it.
During the second play I was in, Out Of Order Chris went way over the top. There's a scene where he and another actor are on stage and there's a violent knock on the door. It's someone looking for Chris' character. In the script it says "George, panicked, hides behind the couch." In this case, what it meant was that he would lay on the floor in front of the couch because the door was behind the couch. He's still hiding behind the couch, though. On the last, or next to last night, Chris is being his usual asshole self, stumbling over his lines, missing cues and such and then comes the knock. The other actor, Pat, asks "Who is it?" The guy behind the door yells that he's so-and-so's husband and he's looking for George (Chris' character). At this, Chris stares right out into the audience, get's a scared look on his face, and runs and does a huge flying dive onto the couch. He must have gotten like 5 feet of air. The crowd is just laughing and hooping it up like crazy. Problem is, IT'S NOT A FUNNY SCENE!!! He had just fuckin' ruined it. And that's the way he was with everything!
What was worse about Chris, something that really made me hate him, was that all the women were after him. He wasn't really handsome by any means, but the women were always after him. I found out later, from one of his ex's (whom I was interested in by the way) that it's because he (as she mouths the words and holds her hands up) "has a big dick". Oh great. Not only is he one of the most annoying personalities in the world, but he's got a big wang which will almost assure that he'll get all the hot girls no matter what. Someday I hope I do meet god. I'm gonna slap her across the cheek and ask "What the fuck were you thinking??"
Luckily, in the third and last play I was in, Chris didn't try out. Of course, he probably heard it wasn't a comedy and decided to pass on it. We actually had fun with that play. Of course, that was the play where I had dislocated my kneecap and was in intense pain throughout the whole running, but that's another story. That's also the case where I got to beat the crap out of a 250 farm boy who was about 6 inches taller than me. He was a nice guy though and was fun to work with. Funny how the guys who've never been in plays before are easier to work with than the "experienced" actors. Go figure.
Well, that's enough of a rant for now. I'm not going to say anything about trying to be more consistent because I know I won't. You all take care of yourselves and I'll see you next entry. Plus, if you've got sometime, stop on by my wish list and see if there's anything you'd like to get me to show the 'Bear your love. The 'Bear would really appreciate it.
