After finishing my entry Friday, as I was getting ready to head out the door, the wife surprised me by showing up with the kids. She had gotten a friend of ours, who lives in our complex, to bring her and the kids up. She knew we needed to go to the store and she had "missed me" all day so they decided to take a trip. Ok, no big deal. Well, I had to use the bathroom so I head to the men's while she sits at my desk.

When I came back, she was crying, her face was red, and she looked like she'd been shot. As I turned the corner and looked at my computer, I saw what she was looking at. I had forgotten that I had 2 Netscape windows open (but minimized) that were at adult sites. So, staring right back at me were a big set of breasts and a guy giving it to a woman doggie style. To make matters worse, she switched over to my Eudora to point to the e-mail I had just recieved while she was sitting there. It was a confirmation to my subscription to two porn sites. I was busted. We both just sat there and stared in silence.

Then, without warning, she grabbed Icebear Jr., grabbed Demonchilds hand and stormed out of the office. She had paged the woman who brought her, who wasn't even out of the parking lot yet, so she was waiting for her when she left. I tried to run after her, but someone in the office called for me. When I got to the door, they were gone. I could feel a fight coming when I got home.

After I shut everything down and gathered all my stuff, I headed to my car. It seemed like I hit every red light on the way home. As I sat at each intersection, I ran through, in my mind, what all would probably be said by both of us. I tried to think of explanations and excuses, but nothing came to mind. I went blank. I decided to just go in, tell the truth, plead for mercy and hope things would work out from there. But I never got the chance.

As I unlocked the door to the apartment, I was struck by a feeling that something was different. Then it hit me. Where was everyone? I ran to the kids room and the drawers were all open and askew, empty of clothes. The toy box was partially empty, toys scattered everywhere. I ran into our bedroom and found almost the same thing. The drawers that held the wife's clothes were all open, some even pulled out and laying on the floor and were empty. On the dining room table, I found the box of trash bags ripped open as if someone wanted to get the bags out but didn't want to have to get them one at a time. I ran to the bathroom and all the kids bath toys and the wife's toothbrush and stuff were gone. Everything that wasn't mine was gone. Where had they gone?

And then I found the note. It was written on a piece of notebook paper and folded roughly and placed under the box of trash bags. It was hard to read. It appeared to have been written in a real hurry, and the wife's handwriting wasn't the best anyway. Also there were a lot of smears and wet spots, I can only assume from tears. The main gist of the note was her feelings of betrayal and how she would never trust me again. She called me a "fucking liar" and a "bad father" and quite a few other colorful expletives. The last paragraph was the one that hit me the hardest. In it, she said that she never wanted to see me again. That she was going to be filing for divorce on Monday and that she was already working on plans to get custody of the children.

She also mentioned that she was going to call my office and tell them that I was an abusive husband and other lies in an attempt to make me lose my job. She also said that if I came by her parents house to try and find where she was, that my father-in-law (soon to be ex) would not hesitate to beat the living shit out of me and that she hoped he killed me. I was devastated. I couldn't think. I collapsed to the floor in tears. That night, I couldn't sleep and I just lay in bed, my mind racing.

I finally fell asleep about 4 AM yesterday morning and slept until around 2 PM. When I woke up, I thought it had all been a dream until I noticed the dresser drawers, still scattered about our room. Then reality came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. I lay there in bed crying, wondering what the hell to do and finally, after about an hour and a half, came to a decision. There was nothing for me here anymore, nothing at all.

So, yesterday afternoon, I went and rented a U-haul trailer and loaded up everything from the apartment that I felt was mine. The TV, the DVD player, all the CD's, my Polar Bear shrine (the figurines and such, I had to leave the hutch), all my clothes and all my movies. That was it. I tossed it all into the small U-haul and, after dropping by the rental office and leaving my key and a message to call the wife and let her know I'm gone in a couple of hours, I headed home. I stopped in at the office to do this entry, since it's on my way north anyway, and after I'm done, will be heading back home. It took me a day and a half to get down here, but I was in a hurry. Guess I'll take my time heading home. Might try and see some of the countryside. I'm not looking forward to driving up to my parent's house and having to explain everything to them. Not looking forward to it at all.

I'm sitting here in the office, my hard drive has been pretty much wiped clean of everything except a web browser, and when I'm done, I'll F disk the whole thing. I wonder, how the hell it all came to this. Two days ago, I was happily married with two great kids. Now, I'm alone, with nothing. I'll probably never see the kids again, especially if she makes good on her threats. She's been fucked over too many times by past boyfriends and I guess this was the final straw. Although I never did anything to her as terrible as they did, I guess the breach of trust, to her, was the topper. Guess I'll head on out, drive a while and then look for a hotel to spend the night in. Hope I have enough money and gas to make it all the way back home.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

I'll see you all around. I don't know what's going to happen to this diary since I left the computer behind and I won't be working here anymore. My parents have a computer at home, but I'd rather not give them anything that points to this. If they found it, then I'd probably have to be looking for another place to live...again. It's funny how, when you think things can't get too bad, they only get worse. Well, take care of yourselves and, hopefully, the 'Bear will see you all around.