I'm really tired of life sucking! When is it going to get good and fuckin' stay that way? Just when it seems that things are picking up, we get shit on again. I got paid Friday. I got a raise last week, but they only put the new pay scale into effect for last week, so I had one week at my old pay scale and one week at my new one. My check next week should, hopefully, be around $1200. If not, heads will roll! Anyway, I deposit my check Friday and we were already overdrawn about $145. Well, from Friday to yesterday, we've gone through almost $1100. Shit! What really sucks is that our account shows we have almost $800. We can't use it though because we have $665 in rent that hasn't cleared yet. I even had to go to a check cashing store last night, write a check for $50 and deposit that into the account to make sure the rent and a few small bills don't bounce.

I'd like to find the guy who came up with the idea of 'overdraft charges' and kick his testes up into the back of his throat. I mean, fuck! The bank knows you don't have any money because they're the one doing the math, so what do they do? They charge you more money for not having money! I don't see the logic here. If you're trying to punish me, you're going about it all wrong. All that does is make me more in debt, and cause me to be more overdrawn. If you want to punish me, kick me in the nuts for every overdraft or something. I guaran-damn-tee you that it won't happen again. Fuckerz.

I think what's made all this worse is reading all the diaries that I do and everyone talking about how good things are going for them. Scud is going to see Jess, Waterbelle is looking at a possible promotion and is starting to like her job, Sporkboy has moved in with Waterbelle, his sister, and they seem to be getting a long fine. I'm really happy for all of you, and others that I haven't mentioned, really I am. It just makes the shit that we're going through just a bit more shitty though. I'm not blaming them, though, I'm just ranting. I hope their happiness continues.

I get home last night and the wife grabs my hand, says "I wanna show you something that totally impressed me" and leads me into the bedroom. At first I thought it was an attempt to jump me, which I don't really mind, but I was tired, when I walk into the room and there's the new Playboy on my pillow and it's opened to the Chyna pictorial. Have you all seen this? If not, go get it right this fuckin' second...I'll wait. Honestly, though, I can't look at it. She's actually too perfect. The wife keeps going, "I wish I looked like her.", and I just bite my lip. What am I supposed to say to that? "Yeah, I wish you looked like that too!"? I don't think so. Even though it's true, I also love my wife just the way she is. I guess when I look at the pictures, I see just one more really hot woman that I want to have sex with, but know I never will. That's been my dilemma lately. I want to have sex with lots of women, but I only love one woman, the one I'm married to. Problem is, a lot of people can't separate sex and love. I've learned to, but I'm not about to force my opinions on other people. Shit, I completely lost where I was going with this. Hmmm...oh well.

I'm torn. I really wanted to go to that Nile concert back in August, but ended up missing it. Well, there's another concert coming to town, same place actually, that I'm kind of interested in seeing, but don't know if I should worry about getting a ticket or not. Dying Fetus will be at the Culture Room in Ft. Lauderdale in November as part of the Death across America 2000 tour with Cephailic Carnage, Vader and Deeds of Flesh. I'm not big into these bands, I've heard songs from them all, but I'm not a 'fan' like I am of Nile. I still want to go though, it's a Death Metal show and I'm sure would be good. I just can't make up my mind. With the money trouble we've been having do I really need to get a ticket (it's only $15), or, since I did miss the last show for the wife, am I justified in going to this one? Guess I'll have to discuss that with her.

Anyway, enough rambling for now. I've got my FAA written test prep software and I'm going to study for my damn written test so I can get this bloody Pilot License thing finished once and for all. TTFN!

"Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?"

Icebear

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